June 16 was a year off of benzos for me. And here I am, a year off the medication I took for my overwhelming anxiety and insomnia…not anxious. Sleeping better; in fact, sleeping well. No one ever told me about “reverse tolerance” or any of these possible side effects during the 24 years that medical professionals were prescribing them for me.
This is a beautiful piece, Amanda. Thank you for sharing it and a million mazels.
WOW!! An incredible piece, so well written and riveting. I am so proud of you and congratulate you on your 12 years of abstinence and your ability to reflect in a way to help others struggling with the demons which overwhelmed you for much too long. Keep writing...you are gifted and need to be heard. Never forget where you were and what you have accomplished. You are a special soul with a special gift. And millions more mazels.
Wonderful writing... True. Medicine that somehow touched my own raw nerve endings... Thank you. Just read your chat CPT non-essay. Staggering. I do believe life-writing... writing memoir is one of the most human things we can do. We need to keep doing real life human things... Fetching water, chopping wood. Living our truest lives and writing them.
I’m still lost in this haze. Still snatching for that penny even though it’s too deep and I never managed to learn to swim. I want to leave my body behind, it has never attracted anyone I tried to love. I want to leave my life behind, but that is frowned upon by the people who my continued misery benefits.
I’m so glad you found a way out and back to yourself.
This is beautiful! The experience you’ve lived resonates in its amazing narrative structure (or narrative fragmentation?), and all of the poetry that holds it together.
I cannot claim any experience as painful as that you’ve related. From the chronology you’ve scattered throughout, we’re about the same age, and I too understand the touchstones you’ve placed for temporal reference throughout and how long the time between each really feels.
From one New Yorker to another, be well, and please, continue sharing your beautiful words.
45 years on methadone and hyperalgesia is real, but not one Dr has ever mentioned it to me. After a total hip replacement, a pain consultant was genuinely confused when I told them that the Tramadol, (a weak opiate), was not working to deal with the pain. And to this day I have not been talked to by Dr about coming off.
Thank you so much for writing this! I’m so glad you were able to come out of that frightening and just so long time of addiction! I know you kept telling yourself you weren’t an addict. Would you describe yourself that way now, not that it was your fault or anything? I also came here from the Chat GPT post! I hope great things for you and your writing and am grateful to have found you and it! I hope lots of people find your writing. Who would you say your literary influences are from?
Abby, this is 14 years to the exact day (probably hour) since my last opiate. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your message, nor how sorry I am you’re going through what you are, and have been. I promise there is relief from the pain and you can find it without the nightmare I experienced. Sending you love and ease and healing. (And if you haven’t read John Sarno, please do.)
This. All of this.
June 16 was a year off of benzos for me. And here I am, a year off the medication I took for my overwhelming anxiety and insomnia…not anxious. Sleeping better; in fact, sleeping well. No one ever told me about “reverse tolerance” or any of these possible side effects during the 24 years that medical professionals were prescribing them for me.
This is a beautiful piece, Amanda. Thank you for sharing it and a million mazels.
What we weren’t told, and what so many people still don’t know is utterly insane. A million mazels back, dear Bridget. Sweet dreams.
WOW!! An incredible piece, so well written and riveting. I am so proud of you and congratulate you on your 12 years of abstinence and your ability to reflect in a way to help others struggling with the demons which overwhelmed you for much too long. Keep writing...you are gifted and need to be heard. Never forget where you were and what you have accomplished. You are a special soul with a special gift. And millions more mazels.
Wonderful writing... True. Medicine that somehow touched my own raw nerve endings... Thank you. Just read your chat CPT non-essay. Staggering. I do believe life-writing... writing memoir is one of the most human things we can do. We need to keep doing real life human things... Fetching water, chopping wood. Living our truest lives and writing them.
I’m still lost in this haze. Still snatching for that penny even though it’s too deep and I never managed to learn to swim. I want to leave my body behind, it has never attracted anyone I tried to love. I want to leave my life behind, but that is frowned upon by the people who my continued misery benefits.
I’m so glad you found a way out and back to yourself.
Please stay.
I’ll try.
Oh Wow! What a journey into addiction with doctors and their prescriptions leading you straight into hell🌹
This is beautiful! The experience you’ve lived resonates in its amazing narrative structure (or narrative fragmentation?), and all of the poetry that holds it together.
I cannot claim any experience as painful as that you’ve related. From the chronology you’ve scattered throughout, we’re about the same age, and I too understand the touchstones you’ve placed for temporal reference throughout and how long the time between each really feels.
From one New Yorker to another, be well, and please, continue sharing your beautiful words.
Thank you so much for this.
Wow! This is beautifully written, Amanda. What a heartbreaking story. Thank goodness it is your tenth anniversary!
Twelfth!
So sorry !!!
Don'tbe sorry...be thrilled. This is a celebration , not a downer. Great piece, Amanda, and congratulations on you r twelve years of abstinence
It will be 13 the day after tomorrow.♥️
45 years on methadone and hyperalgesia is real, but not one Dr has ever mentioned it to me. After a total hip replacement, a pain consultant was genuinely confused when I told them that the Tramadol, (a weak opiate), was not working to deal with the pain. And to this day I have not been talked to by Dr about coming off.
Thank you so much for writing this! I’m so glad you were able to come out of that frightening and just so long time of addiction! I know you kept telling yourself you weren’t an addict. Would you describe yourself that way now, not that it was your fault or anything? I also came here from the Chat GPT post! I hope great things for you and your writing and am grateful to have found you and it! I hope lots of people find your writing. Who would you say your literary influences are from?
Oh my. Such a harrowing but beautiful story.
Abby, this is 14 years to the exact day (probably hour) since my last opiate. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your message, nor how sorry I am you’re going through what you are, and have been. I promise there is relief from the pain and you can find it without the nightmare I experienced. Sending you love and ease and healing. (And if you haven’t read John Sarno, please do.)